Monday, January 9, 2012
Contentment has been my word for the last semester. I really struggle with wanting everything in my way and timing. I want to graduate and transfer, every girl to like me and want to be my friend, and I want a relationship now! Well, God doesn't seem to be agreeing with me. Who does He think He is? I wasn't satisfied with where I was. Even though school has had its rough moments and has been more stressful than I ever expected. I realized there were good things coming from it. I have grown closer with my childhood friends. But not about the usual "What dress should I wear to the party?" kind of friendship. We were growing as spiritual sisters. Keeping one another accountable even though we were miles apart. Pushing each other to mature with the way we handle God, friends, and even enemies. I have some beautiful women in my life, not only physical beauty but their hearts and attitudes cause me to strive to become more like Christ. My parents have also been a huge help in keeping my heart in check while away at school. I single handedly keep Sprint financially afloat with my countless calls and texts to my family. My father gave me some wise words that finally made things "click". He told me "Hannah if I ran up to that stranger over there and asked them to be my friend and continually chased them around begging for their friendship they would be scared and run away, and they should!" What he meant was friends sometimes come and go, instead of being upset when they go and don't come back, focus on the friends who you have, and who appreciate your friendship as well! Sometimes the simple things are the hardest for me to finally understand. Good thing I serve a patient God! When it comes to contentment with being single this is a little harder for me to grasp. Every time I log on facebook it seems a new relationship has blossomed. I began to wonder why God was not letting me take part in this step in life. I had such a false view of dating and marriage. I remember being in youth group we wrote down where we saw our lives in 5 years after graduation and then 10 years. I thought I would be married by 21 and having babies at 25.... Here I am at 20 and I have not so much as held hands with a guy, and praying to God just to make sure the Big Guy hadn't fallen asleep on the job! Some of you may know I have recently been called to do missions for a year through a program called Fusion. I am beginning to see how God is giving me opportunities and ministries that I wouldn't be able to fulfill to the best of my ability if I was (for lack of a better word) distracted with a relationship. I know when God finally blesses me with the Man I am supposed to be with it will be a sweet time of thanksgiving. But for now I find the scripture Ecclesiastes 3:1 very encouraging. "There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven." God has me in a different time slot than my 8th grade mind thought I would be in at this stage. But I am now finding that I am okay and even joyful in it!